this beer tastes like vomit already
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
