Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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