It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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