I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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