if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
pray to the hookup gods
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
