But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
