Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
