I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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