i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
