He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
