nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
