I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
