Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's the barista slut.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
