I just threw up on my dentist
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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