I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
