So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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