I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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