Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
