People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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