hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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