I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
