Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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