so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
