So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
