i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
