I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
