Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize