so explain again why im purple
no
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
