We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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