This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
