look no pants
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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