Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
