They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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