i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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