just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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