I want to make a zoo with you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize