i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They have beer where we have blood.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
