K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
