It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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