you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
