The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
