Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
