You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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