Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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