butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
