she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
