In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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