The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
