i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This house was built for laser tag.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
