Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
