It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
