Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
