I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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