def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
