Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
