Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
