Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
