Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
