just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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