i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
