Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
