laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
