i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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