walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We are all done wearing pants today
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize