I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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