Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think people are normalizing furries
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize