A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
