you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sober January is a disaster.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
