Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
