i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish you could order shots online.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
