PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
