guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
