another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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